I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
