i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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