I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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