I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
