Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
