It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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