this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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