Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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