he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
