we're blogging at a bar
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
