Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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