Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
