Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
