I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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