3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
