well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
