Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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