i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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