Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
