There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
