Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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