I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
