last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
