i will never coherently bang her
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
