It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
