nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
