Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
