Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
