mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
