and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Of course I have a pirate flag
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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