I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
