the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
