if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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