Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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