I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
