Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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