He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
