I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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