i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If I die, sorry about rent.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I think I just sharted jello shots
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
