I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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