Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
