yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
