so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
