you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
