Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
