he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
