Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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