I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
