I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
