i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
