She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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