Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
