He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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