How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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