Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
