Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
